Wanting good from life

Let life experiences make you better, not bitter.

I woke up to the devastating news that my close friend’s mother, who I knew from birth, had passed. It’s the kind of news that puts life into airtight perspective right away. Time froze momentarily. Thoughts cleared—as if the sun had peeked finally through stubborn gray clouds, shedding light upon earth and this often complex journey called life. I realized what’s important and what’s not, and the insignificant fell by the wayside. I realized the fragility of even the most solid relationships. I realized the value and sanctity of human life.

It also hit me oddly right then, that we must want good from life for life to be good, for us. We must want good from life to be on a path that makes us feel good about our actions in life or does not make us want to lament our deeds when tragic news such as this arrives. We must want to feel that we are being good to ourselves and others, and elevate ourselves constantly toward higher ideals, as we never know when life abruptly comes to an end.

What does wanting good from life mean? As I was fumbling for the right thoughts and words to support this epiphany that seemingly came out of nowhere, serendipity struck (or was it serendipity?). I fell upon a recent video by Swami Tejomayananda, the former head of Chinmaya Mission worldwide, being circulated on WhatsApp.

It’s almost as if he knew what I was thinking and was patting my back saying, “Atta girl, you are on the right track, let me give you my words for your post.”

In the video, Swami Tejomayananda said: let life’s experiences make you better, not bitter.

Bingo—that’s wanting good from life. It’s a dogged desire to want to have a positive outlook in life, no matter what. It’s a desire to look at life glass half full, no matter what. It’s giving grace and the benefit of doubt to others and believing in human good. It’s elevating oneself from life’s unfair and incomprehensible experiences and carrying on, with zest and love for life.

Such that, when we are faced with defining moments like the above, we don’t feel wasted or cheated, we don’t feel like we have been unfair or unjust to our loved ones, us, and life itself. Such that we feel we are settling with people and situations in the most meaningful manner, and reaping contentment from it. Perhaps even sleeping easy at night, as a result. And most importantly, loving this precious thing called life.

For example, I was somewhat preoccupied the past few days that my supervisor, a strong mentor to me, had questioned how I had filled out my last timesheet. I explained where I came from and she accepted it, but it lingered in my head over Thanksgiving—why did she question me after all these years? After pondering over it, I realized it was up to me as to how I wanted to interpret this incident and what significance I chose to give it—if I want good from life, I have to give her grace and not allow myself to cast the incident or the person in a negative light. I decided I’d let it go rather than confront it and everything resolved itself eventually. And I am happy for that, and life.

This is a minor incident of course, but the desire to want good from life applies to everything we come across at every moment—from office issues and choosing to get mad at our spouse or child to the loss of a loved one.

It’s ultimately up to us to settle with what we have and create positivity from our life experiences.

That’s wanting good in life.

Divining our Outlook

To want good in life, we have to keep a lid on the daily machinations of our Mind, and separate ourselves from the interpretations of life experiences that it tends to throw at us constantly. In fact, Vedanta advises us not to listen to our thoughts, but be a witness or Sakshi to them.

Swami Tejomayananda alerts us that we should mind our Mind. He explains that we must divine our vision and then look at the world around us. Everything then will look wonderful. Change your outlook and then look out on life, he says. Life, and even loss, might appear elevated.

These words by Rumi come to mind:

“I died as mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was human,
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die human,
To soar with angels blessed above.”

Let’s want good in life and become better, not bitter, from our experiences. Our loved ones would not anything more from us, for us. And it’s a sure shot way of discovering the beauty of our Self.

Meaningfully yours,
Anu Prabhala