Everyday hero: Anju Bhargava, Obama advisor, lung cancer survivor

Dear readers,

Admittedly, there’s nothing everyday about being handpicked by President Obama to serve on a White House Advisory Council on Faith Based and Neighborhood Partnerships. Neither is it commonplace to be a woman in the male-dominated New York banking industry of the 1980s.  And it’s not every day that one gets a Stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis when getting a routine heart checkup. And it’s arguably less common that one kicks the big C’s butt over the course of a year to get a “no evidence of disease” (NED) diagnosis, and for the doctors at the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York to say that “this is the best possible outcome that I could hope for”. Throw in the fact that the healing happened living solo for the most part—with a whole lot of love and support from a daughter, family, and friends—while also doggedly traveling by herself to Southeast Asia upon the advice of her oncologist to take 10,000 steps a day. Most might head to the gym or one of the gorgeous parks in our vicinity for exercise, not traipse halfway across the world.

But that’s precisely what makes my friend Anju Bhargava, a trailblazer.

So, for all purposes, the title of this post should have been “extraordinary hero”. But I’d be doing disservice to the crux of the story, her story—that there is a brave and equanimous Anju in each of us, and that by the discipline of training ourselves to have a mindset like hers, we can also triumph adversities to the best of our abilities and master our destiny.

Anju was appointed Hindu liaison to President Obama’s White House Advisory Council on Faith Based and Neighborhood Partnerships, an initiative that brought together leaders and experts to serve people in need in America.

Anju is founder of the Hindu American Seva Communities and here, she presents the findings of a key report capturing the overall contributions of Hindu Americans to Joshua DuBois, head of President Obama’s Office of Faith Based and Neighborhood Partnerships from 2009 to 2013.

So how do you do it, Anju?

By following the yellow brick road. What I am saying is, you don’t know where the little things you do will lead you. There is no point in worrying too much in life, you know.  But just follow the yellow brick road, and the Universe responds.  It will all add up and you will be on the path you are supposed to be on.

Take us back to the moment of your diagnosis. What went through your mind?

My diagnosis came as a shock to me. Other than a cough and some fatigue I felt fine. Being told that I had Stage IV cancer when for years my doctor thought my symptoms were reflux was difficult. Thankfully, after getting second opinion, my daughter, who is my primary support, found a great medical team who laid out a plan. I felt I was in good hands with trusted oncology experts and caregivers.

On the mental front, I was able to keep worries from taking over.  See, for me, I've gone through a lot of changes in my life. The first one was when I was in my late 20s and got divorced. That experience was really traumatic because there was an existential fear. How would I raise my daughter alone, would I be able to earn a living, would I have enough for retirement? These anxieties were there at a time when not many Indian women got divorced and the support system was limited. Luckily, providence turned me towards the Divine and I became a seeker.  So, by gravitating towards spirituality and meditation, essentially the mind became calmer and receptive to learning. This helped me deal with life.

Then in 2008, continuing my meditation journey, I found Vipassana which took me much deeper into an understanding of the body-mind connection (Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation discovered by Gautama Buddha).

Hence, when I was confronted with my cancer diagnosis, the training kicked in.  The body-mind structure was able to apply the internal meditation technique to the situation at hand.  I became an observer or what they call “sakshi” in Vedanta and Vipassana; this is happening, this is the reality as it is right now, and this too shall pass as it is impermanent. I was truly able to accept my diagnosis with peace. In a way, I feel like so many of my past experiences prepared me for this moment.

An adverse event can happen at any time, and at any age and stage of life.  There is a growing trend of non-smoking women, often Asian and Indian, getting diagnosed with lung cancer. It is usually diagnosed in a relatively advanced stage as symptoms could be limited.  Most likely, this is not a hereditary disease.  A genetic mutation of the cells (example egfr) could occur.  Perhaps getting a routine checkup periodically may help in early diagnosis? But most importantly, learning to accept life as it presents itself in that moment, is the best preparation.

Spirituality with a large dollop of intelligent practicality

It's clear, Anju gets her strength from her deep-rooted spirituality and years of work on training her mind in accordance with the principles of Vedanta and meditation. Anju is a walking book on Vedanta.

Anju’s cancer journey started a few months after I met her for a picnic in her gorgeous backyard last June. She is an avid gardener and looked like a bright cardinal in her floral red dress, seated on a well-tended lush green lawn. She has lived life fully, has traveled the world, and somewhere during that initial conversation, I also learned that she was also an ordained Hindu priest. The (impressive) accomplishments kept coming.

Anju is in her element in her garden and one of the first activities she picked up after going through her treatment was mowing her garden. Recently, this Facebook post evoked a smile among us friends, and we thought, “Anju is back!”. “For those who do their own leaves. This year I experimented with leaf mulching before blowing the leaves on beds. Previous years, I mulched after blowing leaves, and it was cumbersome. This year, I blew the leaves to the side about 3 -4 feet from beds. I mulched the leaves with the lawn mower and then blew the mulched leaves to the bed. It is much more manageable than bagging the leaves. Just thought would share. Cheers.”

I recall marveling even back then, at her poise, her quiet resolve, and her intelligent practicality. She was not afraid of living life on her terms. And clearly, she was a woman who could get any job done, well.

Where do you get your inner strength to undertake this tough journey, so poised, so meaningfully?

When I got my diagnosis, I was preparing to go to an extended 30-day Vipassana course in Massachusetts, so I was well underway with the practice, the sadhana.  I started experimenting with meditation in my 20s.  So, over time, I have learned to be an observer. I knowingly understood, this was not happening to me, but the cancer had happened to the body.  I was able to continue the practice, watch, and not get caught up in the story of what was happening.

Of course, I am a human being. There were times, especially in the early stages of adjusting to the cancer diagnosis, that I succumbed to the uncertainty of continuation of life. So, I got on to the path of making it easier for my daughter to deal with the aftermath, by getting my life in order, like making my will and so on and so forth.

But one important understanding I have gained  through all this is: there may be pain, but you don't have to suffer. For the most part, I observed the physical pain (and various side effects) happening, but I did not suffer much per se throughout this as I knew that the cancer did not define me. I am not my body and the I AM is separate from the disease.  That is, I was not caught up in the drama of the cancer. That’s thanks to my Vedanta and Vipassana training and for that, I am grateful.

Anju takes a few minutes from a hike in the beautiful Shenendoah valley to practice meditation. Meditation is a practice that has profoundly affected her ability to live life with resolve and strength.

What is suffering?

Pain is physical, whereas suffering is internalizing the issue and mentally dwelling on it and living and reliving it again and again.  So, you multiply your suffering when you are involved with the drama of say when you are feeling sorry for yourself, when caught up in the stories of past or future... But between Vedanta’s understanding and meditation. I could really practice, most of the time, what I had learned, which is to be an observer to experiences in life.

I have written about sakshi or being the observer as well and try to practice it in life. How do you start?

For me, it has become a process of living in the now and accepting whatever challenge presents itself without craving for another outcome or aversion for what is manifesting in that moment.  So, whatever the situation is, I first acknowledge, this has happened. It does not define me and, from a Vedantic perspective, the I AM is separate from the issue or one can say the Brahman or the soul is not the body. The Vedic triad of a teacher, a student and the knowledge itself, are essential ingredients to any learning.  For all three to come together, in theory and practical sadhana, it can take time and considerable effort; sometimes one has to practice over decades. I think that we have to constantly self-develop ourselves so that when you meet a crisis, you are ready to face it.

If this diagnosis had happened to me 20 years or 30 years ago, it could have been a different story.  First of all, the medical field was not as developed as it is today; after years of development and trials the “miracle drug” Tagrisso got FDA approval in 2018 and surgery for a stage IV patient is a relatively new phenomenon. Moreover, I don't think I would have been able to handle it the way I am able to handle it now. I am at a point in my personal life also where issues don't really worry me as I am generally able to handle them and minimize the reaction.

Having no worries is a good place to be. So, what are the top three lessons you have learned through your life and especially this big C experience.

The number one lesson of my life is that you can find peace in this life. You just have to work really hard for it, but you can find it. The agitation within you will subside and yes, peace is possible.

Number two, I have forgiven most of the people who I think may have harmed me in some way. And I have sought forgiveness to those who I may have harmed. I have, in essence, freed my own self. And I realize that that every cloud has a silver lining, and every silver lining has a cloud. (Life’s imperfectly perfect!)

Third, everything is impermanent, nothing is forever, and this body is not me.  

And finally, you have to find practical solutions to problems constantly, rather than dwell on them and wallow in anxiety and worry. For example, I have to keep myself extra safe from the flu and anything related, so I wear a mask in crowded places. One of the side effects of the drug is fatigue. I tire more easily so I have to find ways to increase my energy. I love mowing my lawn and each time I mow, I marvel that I did it.  I have somebody now who comes part time on and off to help me organize and declutter the stuff that I have around. You know that this support is just to get you over the hump, but then you have to come back to your own self, and you have to rely on your own self to find that mind-body balance, the equanimity.

What’s next for Anju, now that you have this wonderful NED news?

My last report showed that the cancer is NED, “no evidence of disease”.  I am not cured, but the cancer is not active right now.  So, I have to go to see my wonderful medical care team every three months to get checked, and then the next step is decided.  What a difference a year makes. At the time of diagnosis, I had no idea how it would proceed.  But the body responded well to the medical treatment and I know today I am alive and ready to live with cancer! I know I am living with uncertainty as I have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to bring. As I said to the chaplain at Memorial Sloan Kettering, the shift to focus on living and that too with complete uncertainty is not easy and takes a bit of time to adjust. In some ways, everybody is living with uncertainty because we generally don't know the future, but for me it is consciously living with uncertainty each moment, making plans at most in three-month increments.  

As I see it, the whole point of life is to grow, by working through each issue that comes up. Rarely does one have all the knowledge and wisdom from the start.  You can't obtain a PhD of  life from the beginning. You just accept yourself where you are and hopefully grow forward.

So where do I go and grow from here onwards? As I reflect, on a personal front, being with the family, especially the grandchildren, is a priority. I certainly want to continue with some of the Dharmic Hindu seva initiatives that I had started during my tenure with the White House.  I want to help people become equanimous, for example overcoming the so-called victim mentality, especially after life-changing events, such as divorce or a job loss, for example.  I am relatively new to Maryland and most of my networks are in the New York/New Jersey area. So I have to reach out to some connections in the Baltimore/DC area.  I have a laundry list of unfinished business that I hope to continue to complete as I move forward in my journey.

After my interview, I thought, I don’t think Anju is going anywhere anytime soon—she just has that sense of groundedness and wisdom that seems impregnable and permanent. I told her that. Her work is unfinished and important. Certainly, if you live in the DC area or elsewhere and would like to connect with Anju to help her further her faith-based initiatives or her interest in women’s issues, please do reach out to her at Pujarianju108@gmail.com or drop her a note below.

Thankfully yours,
Anu Prabhala